Funny Signs

Funny Signs

Plumber: 
"We repair what your husband fixed." 

Pizza shop slogan: 
"7 days without pizza makes one weak." 

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: 
"Invite us to your next blow out." 

Door of a plastic surgeons office: 
"Hello, can we pick your nose?" 

Sign at the psychic's hotline: 
"Don't call us, we'll call you." 

At a laundry shop: 
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" 

At a towing company: 
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." 

Billboard on the side of the road: 
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." 

On an electricianą“²uck: 
"Let us remove your shorts." 

In a non-smoking area: 
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." 

On maternity room door: 
"Push, Push, Push." 

At an optometrists office 
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place." 

On a taxidermist's window: 
"We really know our stuff." 

In a Podiatrist's office: 
"Time wounds all heels." 

On a Butchers window: 
"Let me meat your needs." 

On a fence: 
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive." 

At a car dealership: 
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." 

Outside a muffler shop: 
"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming." 

Outside a hotel: 
"Help! We need inn-experienced people." 

On a desk in a reception room: 
"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left." 

In a veterinarians waiting room: 
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!" 

At the electric company: 
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be." 

On the door of a computer store: 
"Out for a quick byte." 

In a restaurant window: 
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." 

Inside a bowling alley: 
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." 

In the front yard of a funeral home: 
"Drive carefully, we'll wait." 

In a counsellors office: 
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

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At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."

 

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