Funny Signs

Funny Signs

"We repair what your husband fixed." 

Pizza shop slogan: 
"7 days without pizza makes one weak." 

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: 
"Invite us to your next blow out." 

Door of a plastic surgeons office: 
"Hello, can we pick your nose?" 

Sign at the psychic's hotline: 
"Don't call us, we'll call you." 

At a laundry shop: 
"How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" 

At a towing company: 
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." 

Billboard on the side of the road: 
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." 

On an electricianą“²uck: 
"Let us remove your shorts." 

In a non-smoking area: 
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." 

On maternity room door: 
"Push, Push, Push." 

At an optometrists office 
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place." 

On a taxidermist's window: 
"We really know our stuff." 

In a Podiatrist's office: 
"Time wounds all heels." 

On a Butchers window: 
"Let me meat your needs." 

On a fence: 
"Salesmen welcome, dog food is expensive." 

At a car dealership: 
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment." 

Outside a muffler shop: 
"No appointment necessary, we hear you coming." 

Outside a hotel: 
"Help! We need inn-experienced people." 

On a desk in a reception room: 
"We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left." 

In a veterinarians waiting room: 
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!" 

At the electric company: 
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be." 

On the door of a computer store: 
"Out for a quick byte." 

In a restaurant window: 
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up." 

Inside a bowling alley: 
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." 

In the front yard of a funeral home: 
"Drive carefully, we'll wait." 

In a counsellors office: 
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.

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At a Santa Fe gas station:
"We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
"38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
"Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

At a number of military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
"Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster:
"Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise
untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign." and are not affiliated with ShopSemmes, ShopInSemmes. The City of Semmes, or any other Semmes area advertising entity. If you have questions or comments about please email us at

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